Sunday, 26 May 2013
Fragments of a tormented soul
00.58 am. Can't sleep. Again. I just lay here awake thinking of the things i might say to you. Nothing comes to mind. Do you want to know why? Because to me you are nothing. Yet still, here i am, writing about you. I have no reason to. You destroy my mental health, while also teaching me to destroy it myself. You put me through the most pain i've ever been through. You're selfish, ignorant, completely obvlivious of the pain you're causing people. So explain this to me; if i hate you, why am i writing this?
I'm bleeding. Inside, not outside. Don't worry. This is more than i can take. I told you what it was like, the nail varnish remover next to my bed, tempting me with the words "solvent abuse can kill instantly". I won't do it. It'd hurt you too much, but you still had the balls to do that to me? You're sick. You have people to think about, so think. Your arms and thighs are covered in white scars from war wounds. I understand that. The worst war to fight is the one against yourself. I know. But you have the best army. Friends and a family and a boyfriend.
You lost the war. You held up a little white flag but you showed no mercy. You dragged us all down with you. Yet here i am. Still caring. Still crying.
Just tell me what to do.
00.58 am. Can't sleep. Again. I just lay here awake thinking of the things i might say to you. Nothing comes to mind. Do you want to know why? Because to me you are nothing. Yet still, here i am, writing about you. I have no reason to. You destroy my mental health, while also teaching me to destroy it myself. You put me through the most pain i've ever been through. You're selfish, ignorant, completely obvlivious of the pain you're causing people. So explain this to me; if i hate you, why am i writing this?
I'm bleeding. Inside, not outside. Don't worry. This is more than i can take. I told you what it was like, the nail varnish remover next to my bed, tempting me with the words "solvent abuse can kill instantly". I won't do it. It'd hurt you too much, but you still had the balls to do that to me? You're sick. You have people to think about, so think. Your arms and thighs are covered in white scars from war wounds. I understand that. The worst war to fight is the one against yourself. I know. But you have the best army. Friends and a family and a boyfriend.
You lost the war. You held up a little white flag but you showed no mercy. You dragged us all down with you. Yet here i am. Still caring. Still crying.
Just tell me what to do.
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