Playing God

The words I know

I honestly don’t

They greet me at first sight

On every page I breathe

And stay with me like old friends

They have lived up there quite patiently

Watching as I went through each

Impossible

Conflict

Waiting until I could think again

Waiting until I could see again

As I always do

That I know something more

Pain is what teaches best

Though there is always more to learn

I always thought those words were people

Whispers of the dead I once knew

The ones who I collected

The ones to whom I spoke

They have evaporated now

Only words live here

You may think that rather dry, but

Let me tell you, words are the base of everything important to me

Of the worlds that reside in my head

Of the millions of people that live inside there

I keep picking at them

Choosing each one and placing them where they fit best

Sometimes one won’t, sometimes I’ll move them or change them or throw them 
Back into my head

But they aren’t perfect

And neither can I ever be

Not so much a hobby, more a necessity

But taking them away, one by one

There’ll be a time

I’ll be left with one

The one I fear the most

I stumbled through all of it

I always stumble; I think it’s my genes

Always wondering when it would be my time to go

To disappear

And I can always feel it coming

Rushing towards me like an icy cold wave

And now it’s closer than ever.

R