Watch me smile :)

All around me people are smiling,

laughing, sharing a joke.

Happy.

I know everyone has secrets,

and pain

in their lives.

But they are alive.

I can see it in their eyes.

Full of life.

Beautiful life.

I used to be happy,

really truly happy.

But something inside me changed.

Like part of my soul had been ripped out

and replaced with hate, and anger, 

and fear.

I hated myself. I hated the world.

I didn't want to be in it anymore.

I no longer cared about life, even my friends,

or family.

To this day, I still haven't found the girl I used to be.

I throw a smile on my face 

and pretend that I'm okay.

I'm not.

This time last year I tried to end the pain.

I took the pills

and closed my eyes,

hoping I would disappear....

..

..

Its easy for me to cut my skin

but difficult to let you in.

I want to forget but I never will.

The memory is enough

to force the tears 

from my eyes.

I'm the girl who's always laughing,

The boy with all the friends.

I wear a cloak of happiness

but my anguish never ends.

You will see me.

I will smile.

You will be content.

That all is fine.